Weekly Welcome

Hello, and welcome to the first issue of The Politicker!

We have some real goodies for you today! Among the things we will have each week, we also have, for your reading experience, two stories about the news in general, The Enviro-Formula and The Queen's iPhone. Have fun reading these!

If you'd like to leave a comment and tell me how you liked the first issue, go right ahead! Please include your thoughts on how I could make it better!

R.A.S.H. Award

Remember all the Bush-bashing that went on in the past 8 years? The media always called it "constructive criticism". But, if you say anything remotely bad about the Messiah Barack Obama, you are immediately called a racist.
For instance, Jeff Johnson, a black radio host and our weekly winner of the R.A.S.H. Award, frequently speaks out against the Obama administration. He, as well as second runner-up for the award, black talk show host Tavis Smiley, have been frequently bashed for saying that Obama is…well… not a good president!
They have been called names like “Uncle Tom”, “Obama hater”, and “sellout” by their fellow African-Americans. Why? Well, how about because 91% of blacks love Obama. But, Smiley and Johnson are asking whether we should still look at Obama’s feat of “first black president”, or should we get over that and look at his polices? Apparently, America’s black people want to stay focused on their wonderful Barack Obama. You know, the one who’s screwing America up all over the place while the sheeple stare at his gleaming smile and wonderful achievement. Yes, THAT Barack Obama! *sheesh!*
But what makes these men different from the rest is that they, themselves, are black. It’s one thing for Rush Limbaugh to denounce Obama as president, but for another black man?!? Another homie?!?
So, congratulations, Mr. Johnson! You are our Racist Ageist Sexist Homophobe of the week!

Idiots and Patriots

IDIOT
“If, in the future, banks need exceptional assistance in order to get through this, then we'll make sure that assistance comes with conditions,” The illustrious treasury secretary told us Sunday on CBS, “not just to protect the taxpayer but to make sure this is the kind of restructuring necessary for them to emerge stronger…"
In other words, Timothy Geithner is saying that money is going to go to banks with strings attached to “protect the taxpayer.” But, Geithner followed up his statement with this: “And where that requires a change of management of the board, we'll do that."
Which means… well… it will be a ton of Rick Wagoner’s all over again. Geithner has decided that the federal government has the power to overthrow any company management if they feel its "needed for the best interest of the company."
Now, here, Geithner was only talking of banks. But, was General Motors a bank?
GM CEO Rick Wagoner was thrown out on his caboose two weeks ago as a condition for the government to give GM more taxpayer money.
For pulling our nation farther towards socialism by decided the government can pick and choose the fate of company management, Timothy Geithner is an idiot. But, with GM and AIG heads getting knocked out, expect it to come to a city near you.

PATRIOT
Governor Mark Sanford of South Carolina has told the President what everyone else was too scared to say: Obama is Zimbawinizing America!
Sanford said that something was amiss with the money earmarked for his state. “I was looking over the proposed uses of the funds and proposed programs seemed very socialist to me,” He told reporters on Thursday. He also accused Obama of printing money randomly to fix the economic crisis; “Funny money will not put South Carolina’s unemployed back to work... Funny money just doesn’t have that power.”
Sanford also noticed the similarities between Obama’s plan and Zimbabwe President Robert Mugabe’s. Mugabe tried to modernize his country by encouraging spending. His plan has been noted has one of the most potentially disastrous ever proposed.
“Zimbabwe has a staggering 11 million percent interest rate!” Sanford noted, “Can you even fathom that? A gumball would cost $27,500. A vente soy chai skim milk latte with a sprinkle of pumpkin spice would cost $526,900.”
For calling the prez out on this, Mark Sanford is a Patriot. The reason it is him is because he’s the only one who had the guts to do it. Now, pardon me… I’m contemplating moving to South Carolina…

Dope

First, let me say that I tried really hard to keep Obama from being the first “Idiot” from Idiots and Patriots. I tried everything from Howard Stern to Khloe Kardashian, but… well… it was inevitable. Then I thought of just giving him his own section for idiocy. If I don’t, he’ll probably end up taking the ‘Idiot” section every week!

Now, to the story…

“We will convey our deep appreciation for the Islamic faith, which has done so much over the centuries to shape the world, including in my own country,” Said our President to Turkey on his Apology Tour.
I don’t believe I need to mention the sheer idiocy of this… er… idiotic statement. But, Obama, and people, seem to think that el presidante has something to apologize for, or to. But, over and over, you see him apologizing for America, Americans, or American issues. Like apologizing for the American people being so “arrogant” to Europe. Or for the Iraq war to an Archbishop. Or to Iran(away)’s president Mahmoud Atemydinner-jad for “crimes” over the past 60 years. Or to all African Americans (again) for their great-great-great-great-great-grandparents being brought from Africa to be kept as slaves until a Republican, Christian president freed them all. Or to everyone in every possible section of every possible place in the rest of the world --- so long as he wasn’t the one behind it.
Obama never apologized for anything he’s done. His horrendous porkulus bill, his connections with Bill Ayers and Jeremiah Wright, his cabinet members, his anti-American statements, his refusal to wear an American flag pin or put his hand over his heart to the Pledge of Allegiance… absolutely nothing. He will only apologize with “Bush did it”, “It’s all the Republican’s”, or… “Bush did it”.
Finally, his bowing to the Saudi king is another kick in America’s pants. Oh, wait… I forgot… he was actually helping to stimulate the economy by picking up a quarter.
He’s the first American President to EVER bow to a king. Quarter, or no quarter.
These are just a few of the things our wonderful president has done or said that was completely anti-American. Just remember that.

Enviro-Formula

Whenever you hear something out of the mouth of an environmentalist whacko, you have to realize that they are sad. I betcha that vegetarians wish they could savor a nice, juicy steak every once in a while instead of munching on tofu. But, they love animals too much. They envy your wonderful life, and since they can’t have it, neither can you. So, they are envious of you.
They've decided that they must protest in order to make themselves feel better. Throwing rocks at whaling boats, hugging trees in the nude, or passing out anti-hamburger literature, it has to stop us. All envy.
Now, here’s the weird one: irony. But, it is very ironic when you stop to think about it! The biggest whacko behind the eco-movement, Al Gore, is a has-been veep and a failed prez candidate. His political career has got to be finished, so, he turns to his whole global warming scheme.
What else is ironic? Well, it’s ironic when People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) workers kill 300 dogs and throw them in trash dumpsters. It’s ironic when the Humane Society of the United States (HSUS) picks up 1300 dogs and euthanizes all but 11 of them. It’s ironic when treehuggers cling to their tall, wooden leafed structures in the nude, and then wonder why their getting so little attention. It’s ironic when a solar-powered porta-potty is created, then it stops working because it freezes over.
Finally, environmentalism is only 0.1% mental. These people don’t think at all! “A rat is a pig is a dog is a boy. They’re all mammals.” This philosophical statement was said by Ingrid Newkirk, top dog of PETA. She compares a boy to a rodent. Betcha she wouldn’t feel that way if she had kids. There’s no thought to their lunacy.
For instance, when did it become a crime to own an SUV, or even drive one? Oh, I know! When Laurie David was old enough to drive!
This Hollywood eco-chick pulls alongside Hummers at red lights and yells at the occupants. She’s put tickets on the windshields of gas-guzzlers. I see her as someone with waaay to much time on her hands.
But, she contradicts herself almost worse than Al Gore himself.
If Ms. David took one trip from New York to LA in that private jet of hers, she’d eat enough fuel for the average Hummer to go a year. Her big old Beverly Hills mansion consumes enough energy in a year that it could probably light South America for a few years. People who live in glass mansions shouldn’t throw stones!
But, Laurie is just the TIP of the ice cube.
Global warming is the most monotonous, stupid, annoying, lie-accepted-as-truth that has ever been uttered from the face of liberals. I could go on and on about how wrong an un-factual it is, but I won’t. I’ll just tell you this: Fill a bowl with ice. Now, fill it with water until it’s brimming. Let the ice melt. You will find that the bowl hasn’t even spilled out. Oops! New York hasn’t been flooded today! Let’s try again tomorrow!
Al Gore’s movie, An Inconvenient Truth, is actually just an inconvenient lie. Innocent, fluffy, white polar bears are just dangling off of icebergs helplessly; wastelands and chunks of ice splashing into the ocean… all lies. Utter lies. And yet, people in Sweden, Finland, and several other pathetic European countries, are forced by the government to watch it as if it were truth. Some American schools are even forcing their children to watch the movie of lies.
Sometimes, I wish Laurie would yell at me for driving a Ford Explorer, or Al Gore would force me to watch his film of lies without popcorn. I’d eat them alive. Unless they gave me popcorn…
There’s an easy way to stop Laurie’s problem with SUV’s. Two words: offshore drilling. OOH! Here’s another brilliant solution! Drill in ANWR.
We can solve Al Gore’s ignorance, too. No, wait. That’s impossible. Sorry, never mind.
Remember, global warming is a bald-faced lie. But, the backers ARE liberals. Anything that is uttered out of their mouths is a bald-faced lie.
So, never forget the formula! 90% envy + 9.9% irony + 0.1% mental = environmental.

Current Hemorrhoid

On Monday, actress/liberal witch Roseanne Barr had a few… er… interesting… words to say about conservative talk show host Glenn Beck on her blog, Roseanne World.
I’m going to give you the entire thing, and I will talk about some of the things she says here. First, notice that she rarely uses capital letters. I know, this type of thing is common on the internet and on blogs, but when trying to portray a modicum of intelligence, you follow proper English standards. Everything she said will be in quotation marks.

“GLENN BECK IS STEALING FROM ME!”
“he is a vampire and is vampiring off of my blog. I have been writing about energy vampires here for years! Now I notice he is calling obama and democrats vampires, using all of my verbiage (for which i own the copyright, here at RW).”

Okay, so she owns the word “vampire”. I doubt it highly. Donald Trump tried to copyright “You’re Fired” and Paris Hilton wanted “That’s hot.” Neither of them got it because the statement was much to frequently used. “Vampire”, in any form, is a very common word. Maybe she had a self-proclaimed copyright, but to claim that Beck is stealing from her is… well… stupid.


“this is what he said:" the democrats are trying to vampire off of our businesses, and we need to drive a stake thru their heart." This is calling for race war, it truly is!! Mormons have been programmed to heed the words of their prophets, and glenn beck hangs out with those prophets.”

I do wonder what she means by “race war”. Saying that democrats need to be stopped doesn’t even touch the race issue, let alone the Mormons.

“the truth is glenn beck supports a confederate economy, based on slave wages. He is happy that lots of american citizens have lost their jobs and their homes.”

Note that she has no proof of this for her to say “the truth is”. First, ‘confederate economy” is not a common term that people know, so defining exactly what she means by that is difficult. Second, an economy “based on slave wages” isn’t what he supports. She is making the jump that without Unions, there would be companies taking advantage of their workers, and that these workers would be paid slave wages because of this, so because Beck doesn’t support Unions, he supports slave wages. I can’t say for sure because she didn’t go into it, but that’s what it sounds like.
Finally, he never stated that he is happy about Americans losing homes and jobs. She did. She didn’t give a quote where Beck says “I am happy about Americans losing their jobs and their homes,” she only says that “the truth is”. Thanks for clearing that up, Ms. Barr.

“He is blaming it all on the democrats, who have a black leader. this is subtle racism at its lowest.”

Because the dems have a black leader, and we believe them to be evil, we are racist. Uh… huh…

“He is a republican and is working to elect romney/palin 2012.”

Again, something she only made up. And, even if it was true, only to her audience would that be a bad thing.

“be aware of how the cable channels are sending a despicable racist and anti-worker message into your living rooms. turn off cable news! turn off your televisions if you want to resist being programmed by satan worshippers.”

Now, that’s interesting! Turn your eye back to last year, when America was racist if they didn’t elect Obama as president. We heard, “You don’t like Obama? Must be because he’s black, you racist!” Now we hear that “a despicable racist message” is sent by FOX News. Not to mention “anti-worker”, which doesn’t fit in this paragraph at all. Finally, calling us “satan worshippers” is just not nice. I won’t go into this on the religious aspect, so the most I’ll say is that Roseanne is a meaniehead. ;-)

“But, my dear mr. pro-slavery teenage girl marrying anti gay marriage anti women's rights anti-worker anti constitution america hating traitor polygymist,”

WOW that’s a long name! She decided she’d call him everything she wished he was. Pro-slavery = untrue, teenage-girl marrying = stupid, anti-gay marriage = she says it like it’s a bad thing, anti-women’s rights = in other words, anti-abortion, anti-worker = untrue, anti-constitution = statement unjustified, meaning she doesn’t say why, meaning untrue, America hating = untrue, traitor = she forgot that only democrats are that one, polygamist = see, “teenage-girl marrying.”

“you will not have the last word. the truth will have the last word, and we the minions of freedom fighters who, hear these words and agree that the balance has already tipped against slavery. To reference the story of passover, the slaves walked out of mind control into the LIGHT, split the red sea and walked across on dry land. Forty days and nights later, the slaves witnessed the full measure of their senses as the Hand of the Spirit of Unity wrote the law on saphire tablets in white and black fire!!!”

She needs to learn her Biblical parables! She confused the parting of the Red Sea, The Passover, AND Noah and the Ark. That already tells you that the rest is false and stupid.

“THE LAW WILL PUNISH THE GUILTY!!! they will be named here. Roseanne Barr is the husk that types these words.”

Oh God! If Roseanne Barr gets to punish the guilty, then the world is doomed!

“Prophecy is a meditation, mr. glenn beck german skinhead.”

More simple name-calling.

“mark your doors mr. polygymist, for the angel of "death" will not pass over your house.”

Yet another botched Biblical parable.

(your mask will fall, you'll be exposed-as a "death lover" NEC-TECH-bot/bought)!
(the angel of death is an energy vampire-search vampires here in the archives).

Just plain weird.

“Vampires cannot tolerate to see the CROSS OF CHRIST!
YOUR CHURCH PROTECTS PEDOPHILES AND CHRIST WILL NOT ALLOW THAT ANY LONGER!
CHRIST WILL SPEAK OUT OF THE MOUTHS OF THE MANY MANY VICTIMS YOUR KIND CREATES AND PROTECTS. THIS IS NO JOKE, VAMPIRE POLYGYMIST WOMAN HATER, PEDOPHILE ENABLER!!!”

Suddenly, she believes in Christ! Plus, yet another round of name-calling.


“you are the f***ing vampire dude. vampires are tricky little bastards as they try to speak for god, and pervert the message of peace in their tower of babbling bullsh*t! vampires are pedophiles and pedophiles are vampires.”

Not only do vampires now exist, but they are born pedophiles! Once again, she botches another Bible story, this one about the Tower of Babbling Bulls**t.

“THIS IS THE CROSS OF CHRIST (pick it up if you dare):
" send the suffering children to me, I will access/harness their hatred of evil, so to create heaven". pedophiles love the suffering of children. They love to make children doubt the truth.

This time, she deliberately screwed up Jesus’ words… as well as adding her own. She has now perverted the word of God.

“there is no doubt of that! do not doubt what your eyes tell you and your senses sense. you are being lied to by greedy perverts and death dealers!
FALL BABYLON!!!!!!”

Now, this is me talking. This entire post was riddled with hatred-spewing, mind-boggling, anti-republican, anti-Jesus, crazy, off-the-deep-end bullcrap. Which makes Roseanne Barr our current Hemorrhoid.

The Queen's iPhone

Ya know, in this society, everybody is up-to-date technologically. Even the Queen of England.
For the sophisticated Queen Elizabeth II, Barack Obama has left a gift. He arrived in England for the G20 summit last Tuesday, and has made a stop to see the Queen.
For her present, he gave her an iPhone, “filled with tokens of American culture.”
“I wanted to give Queen Elizabeth a piece of America,” Obama later explained, “While our countries are similar, our pop culture can be quite different.” And, for the rest of meeting, the American president showed the Queen how to use her new device.
The president also filled it with modern American songs from artists like “Rihanna”, “GaGa”, and “Yeah Yeah Yeah”, TV Shows like “The Office”, “The Hills”, and “Rock of Love”, and he selected websites such as Digg and CollegeHumor, as well as his own Facebook page.
Explaining about his Facebook pick, Obama said, “This way she can friend me and we can chat anytime.”
For her homepage, Obama selected “Parezhilton.com”, a site which helps you find what you’re looking for without Google.
But, doesn’t our president sound like a high-schooler? Chatting on his Facebook with his friends all day? Granted, not every high-schooler has the Queen as his friend, but… Well, aren’t they both world leaders? Don’t they both have something better to do than talk about their bff’s? Or, maybe the Queen doesn’t have time to surf “CollegeHumor.com”.
Evidently, the queen loved the gift. Of course she did… it was a token of remembrance to the time she met the Great Messiah Obama.

BabyWatch

Oklahoma may be passing a bill allowing pregnant mothers to kill to protect their unborn. Lawmakers have already passed the “Use of Force for the Protection of the Unborn Act” last week, and, if it passes the state Senate, it will be on the governor’s desk to be signed.
It stemmed from Michigan, where a woman stabbed her boyfriend to death after he tried to murder the mother’s quadruplets by punching her in the stomach. However, she not only lost her babies, but she was convicted of manslaughter.
"Pregnant women who refuse to abort their child are too often attacked by their partner in an effort to force a miscarriage," said state Rep. Mike Thompson, "Women put in this position should have the legal right to defend themselves, with lethal force if necessary."
Surprisingly, this is a large step for us pro-lifers. This, as well as “Lacy and Connor’s Law”, will help the public realize that an unborn baby is still a human life.
“Lacy and Connor’s Law” was put in effect after Scott Peterson murdered his wife, Lacy, and her unborn child, known as Connor, in 2001. He was charged with two counts of murder for this heinous crime.
In my opinion, that gave certain rights to the child, disavowing abortion. How can one kill an unborn with a knife at home and be charged with murder, but not even be arrested if done by surgical removal?
If a woman can kill her boyfriend for trying to harm her unborn baby, why is it okay for a doctor to kill her unborn baby?
But, the people don’t know about these laws. They only hear about Roe vs. Wade, and other groundbreaking abortion laws. Never laws that tell us of the babies rights.